Clandestine Hearts
by shannie328
Summary: Secret feelings are revealed. Updated.
1. Phone switch

Clandestine Hearts 

Author: Shannie328

Pairing: Josh/Donna

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Up through season 5

Summary: Just a look at how I've imagined Josh and Donna might get together. There will be flashback involved.

Prologue 

Summer 2004

The phone was ringing. That stupid Nokia tune, that even with its four notes, still managed to get stuck in a person's head. And in the middle of the night, the piercing notes managed to become even more annoying than usual. 

Donna fumbled around in the dark wondering why she didn't change the ring tone. 

"Hello?"

"Donna?"

            "Uh-uh."

            " Okay, because it's four in the morning and I've already had a bad day. I'm going to just assume that there is a very good reason why you're answering Josh's phone."

            Donna's eyes flew open and she had a sudden moment of clarity. Her phone didn't play the generic Nokia tune. A few months ago she had changed it to something a lot less annoying, The Mexican Hat Dance.

            She swallowed, "Leo?"

            "Donna?"

            She tried to think quickly. "Uh, Leo. Josh and I must have accidentally switched phones last night after we all went out to that bar."

            "I called Josh last night after he left the bar. And it wasn't your phone that he answered. So somehow you switched your phones afterwards? Was there a reason you might have seen him after that? Is there are reason you're answering his phone now? Because I'm the White House Chief of Staff and I don't have time to worry about the soap operas going on down the hall from my office or with my staff. See, I've got other things to worry about. Little things like international affairs and laws being passed. And helping my boss run this country. So as much as I would like to, I really don't have to time to deal with wondering what kind of shenanigans my staff is up to. So again, why are you answering Josh's phone?"

            "Uh…" Donna barely managed to squeak out a syllable when she heard a voice next to her.

            "Is that Leo?"

            Donna froze. She could almost imagine Leo sitting in his office staring at the phone, listing to those three little words that obviously did not come from her. 

            "DONNA! I want you and Josh in my office ten minutes ago!"

            She flinched when she heard the click and then the dull dial tone. Turning around she saw Josh sitting up in bed, his hair ruffled, his shirt wrinkled, rubbing his eyes. If it had been any other time she would have found it to be incredibly cute. 

            "I think we have a problem."

Continued…


	2. A Couple of Idiots

Clandestine Hearts

Author: Shannie328

Pairing: J/D

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own them. Never will.

Summary: Just how I imagined Josh and Donna might get together

Thanks for the reviews!

"DONNA! I want you and Josh in my office ten minutes ago!"

She flinched when she heard the click and then the dull dial tone. Turning around she saw Josh sitting up in bed, his hair ruffled, his shirt wrinkled, rubbing his eyes. If it had been any other time she would have found it to be incredibly cute. 

"I think we have a problem."

Five months earlier 

"What kind of problem?"

"It's no big deal."

"Donna, what kind of problem?"

"I'm fixing it."

Josh ran his fingers through his hair, stood up and rounded the corner of his desk. "Donna, you came in here with that look on your face."

"What look?"

"The look that says you've done something and you've rather not be punished for it. I'm beginning to not like that look."

Donna smiled, "Josh I've been messing things up since the first day you hired me. You're just beginning to hate that look?"

"Yeah, I've always hated that look. But for the record, I did not hire you."

"You did too." Donna turned around and walked back to her desk in the bullpen. Josh followed her and leaned his shoulder against the wall watching her shuffle papers around. 

"I seem to remember you hiring yourself. You never gave me a choice."

Donna straightened up, "It always amazes me that after six years, you still manage to bring this up daily."

"You started it." He smiled and turned back toward his office. Before reaching the door he paused, pivoted around and walked back to the bullpen.

"What was the problem?"

"Huh?"

"Donna."

The warning tone in Josh's voice made Donna give in.

"You know the memo about the thing?"

"Yeah?"

"I lost it."

"Donna!"

"I know. And I'm sorry."

"How do you lose a memo?"

"I deleted it on accident. And I threw away your notes before I realized this. But I think what you need to remember is that…"

"Leo needs that by tomorrow! Dammit, Donna I'm already in hot water around here. I don't need this!"

Donna flinched at the tone of his voice. "Josh…"

Josh didn't even look at her. He just turned around, walked back to his office and slammed the door. Donna stared at the heavy oak door for while before turning back to her desk and sitting down to a blank computer screen.

Later that Night 

Josh shuffled back to his office, blurry eyed from the meeting with Leo. It was 2:30 in the morning. He used to remember that it was easy to work this late into the night. When the president had first taken office he had loved being in the West Wing late at night. The dim lights, the late night murmur of voices. Now it all just seemed too much. Somewhere down the road it had gotten old. And he found himself wondering more frequently why he got out of bed every morning.

As he rounded the corner to his desk he noticed that the light over Donna's desk was still on. Out of curiosity he walked toward the bullpen. She was sitting there typing furiously and Josh found himself involuntarily smiling as remembered her horrible typing skills from earlier in the campaign.

"Donna?"

She looked up, startled, as if she had been caught at something.

"Josh."

They looked at each other for a minute, each willing the other to say something.

Finally Josh spoke, "What are you still doing here? It's two thirty in the morning."

Donna turned back toward the computer and continued typing, "I'm retyping the memo."

Josh ran his hands through his hair and let out a sigh. "Donna I didn't mean to yell at you earlier. I was just…"

Donna nodded without turning around, "I know."

He watched her and then thought of something, "Wait, you're doing that from memory?"

"I was the one that typed it."

"Yeah, but you had my notes."

"Uh-huh." Donna bit her lip as she typed the final word and hit print. She then saved it again and then checked to make sure it had been saved properly. Standing up, she worked the kinks out of her back, grabbed the pages out of the copier and handed them to Josh."

He looked at her for a moment and then down at the memo in his hands. 

"You remembered it all."

"Yeah."

Josh smiled as he scanned the paper. "Donna…"

"I know." She smiled at him. "And I'm sorry. I know that you've been having a hard time. I don't want to make it harder. I just…"

"I know." 

The two smiled at each other for a moment and then Josh cocked his head to the side. "Come on let's go. We can go get drunk."

Donna laughed as she clicked off the light and turned off the computer. "Josh, it's two thirty in the morning."

"What, too late for you?"

"Not for me. You have a senior staff meeting tomorrow morning and we all know that your sensitive…"

"Donna, don't start."

The two walked down the halls of the West Wing together. Their laughter echoing through the building.

"Hey Donna, earlier this morning you said you've been messing thing up since the first day…"

"Yeah."

"I just wanted you to know that's not true. You've done a lot more good than…"

"Josh, don't start."

**Present**

"I'm just saying, you shouldn't have answered the phone."

Donna pulled on her shoes and glared at Josh, "I told you not to start."

Josh ran his fingers through his hair and nodded, "I'm sorry, I just didn't think it would happen like this."

"I know."

"You think we can get out of this one?"

"It's Leo. I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out before now."

"We should have just told everyone when it happened."

"Yeah."

Josh grabbed his keys and opened the door of Donna's apartment. Together they walked outside into the cold night air. Josh shivered and looked up at the sky.

"It's cold out here. You think for June it would be warmer."

Donna nodded and continued on in silence.  
Josh looked over and her and sighed, "Donna, it'll be okay." He reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist pulling her closer. He placed a kiss on her shoulder. She looked sideways at him and gave him a small smile. 

"I don't know Josh. This time…We're a couple of idiots, you know that?"

Josh laughed as he threw up his arm to hail a cab. " At least one of us. And that, I've always known."

Donna slid into the cab and blew on her hands to warm herself up, " You graduated from Harvard. You're the Deputy Chief of Staff. You're not a complete idiot."

After shutting the door and telling the cabdriver where to take them Josh turned to her and grinned. "So after all these years, you've been lying to me?"

"I didn't say you're not an idiot. I said you're not a complete idiot. Don't get too cocky."

"A little late for that. Don't you think?"

Donna laughed, "Yeah. Maybe."

"But that's what you love about me, right?" Josh tucked her arm behind Donna and she snuggled closer to him.

"Hmm Hmmm"


	3. Good for Her

Clandestine Hearts

Author: Shannie328

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: J/D

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Never will.

Note: Okay, so I will be the first to admit that I know very little about politics. I have no clue what half the people do in the White House. So I just made up the position of Human Relations Assistant.

Present 

Leo made his way through the West Wing, his mind trying to work through about a million ideas. Two days before, a car bomb had exploded outside a restaurant in Qumar, one American was killed and it was rumored that he was the target. Things were just starting to settle down surrounding that and now he had to deal with the goings on of his own staff. And considering everything that had happened lately, he knew it could shape up to be a media nightmare.

He reached C.J.'s door and knocked. After not getting an answer he opened the door.

"C.J.?"

C.J.'s head popped off of her desk and she stared at Leo in confusion.

"Yeah?"

Leo held back a grin as the Press Secretary of the United States blinked back at him, her hair sticking up on ends.

"You've got a paperclip on your forehead."

C.J.'s eyes looked upward and she pulled the paper clip on her forehead and then rubbed the spot with her other hand. That was going to leave a mark.

"Don't worry, it will go away before the press briefing."

C.J. smirked, "Is there something you needed Leo? Something new on Qumar?"

Leo shook his head, "Nothing the press needs to know about right now. I think today will be pretty quiet, being Saturday. We'll just do the briefing at noon to update. But there's something else we need to talk about."

C.J. sighed and straightened her shirt, "Great, I needed something else on my plate right now. I hope this ones a good one. Will I get to really fight with the press?"

Leo shrugged, "Depends on how we handle it. It's about Josh and Donna."

C.J. looked up, suddenly interested, "Yeah?"

"Yeah. You still have that file?"

Leo stepped into the office and closed the door behind him.

February 2004 : Five Months earlier 

Josh watched from his office as Donna moved around the bullpen, straightening up, turning off light and computers, getting ready to leave. She pulled on her coat, wrapped her scarf around her neck and grabbed her purse. Josh quickly looked down at the notepad in front of him as she walked into the office.

"I'm leaving now."

"Okay." Josh looked up and smiled. "You'll be here tomorrow morning?"

"Josh tomorrow is Saturday. For once it would be nice to have one off.

Josh appeared to be considering this, "I don't know, there's important stuff going on. Laws passing, vetoing things. I might need you to be here just in case something happens."

Donna glared at him and walked toward the desk, as if preparing for battle. "Josh…"

He held of his hands, "I'm kidding. Take the day off. Have fun."

Donna relaxed, "Thanks, besides I have a date tomorrow."

Inwardly Josh could feel himself groaning. He knew he shouldn't say anything. "So whose the lucky gomer of the week?"

"He's actually a very nice guy. He's taking me on a picnic."

"Ooh, that's so romantic. Who does this guy think his is? You know what a picnic means." Josh looked up at Donna as if he had all the answers.

Donna sighed, "No Josh, what does it mean?"

"All he wants is for you to hop into bed with him faster. He thinks he can sweet-talk you into thinking he's a sweet guy so that you'll sleep with him. That's it."

Donna rolled her eyes and walked out the door. "Have a good weekend Josh," she called over her shoulder.

Josh watched her leave. Part of him feeling a little sick inside. He didn't know why but the thought of Donna sleeping with another guy made him want to… Well, he didn't know what it made him want to do but whatever it was would be very unlike a good Deputy Chief of Staff. 

Leaning back in his chair it thought about it a little longer. He didn't know why he was always bothered by Donna being with other guys. Why he constantly felt the need to ruin her dates. He wondered if she felt the same way when he was with another woman. There had always been tension between her and Amy. 

And truth be told, he had never actually met a lot of these guys. He had no idea if they were losers or not. But Josh liked to think they were. Dr. Freeride for instance. Josh knew that if he ever met the guy he'd have to invoke a lot of self-control not to punch the guy in the nose. Anyone, that would take advantage of Donna in such a way…

And then there was Cliff. He still remembered when Donna had first told him about her blind date. He had been furious. It was almost like a betrayal that Donna would date someone that he was fighting so hard against. And a Republican at that. He had yelled at her and told him she couldn't see him and then he had slammed the door and left her there standing in the bullpen. It had taken about ten minutes for him to cool down in his office, standing there with his back against the wall, thinking about Donna with Cliff, trying to convince himself that it was not just about Donna being with another guy.

And then she had to go and lie on the stand. About a diary no less. A diary to which he still had several photocopied pages to. Pages that he could never bring himself to actually look at. He wanted to hate Cliff. Wanted to hate him for dating Donna. Wanted to hate him for making things strained between two people that had for so long been in such sync. But in the end it had been Cliff who had saved Leo's ass. And as much as Josh wanted to hate Cliff, he couldn't.

But he could hate Jack Reese. And he did. From the moment they met in the oval office.

When Donna had asked him to talk to Jack, he hadn't taken her seriously, had laughed even, chalking it up to another one of her "crushes". And then the guy walked into the oval and suddenly Josh felt like everything had turned upside down. This was not one of the "local gomers" that he constantly made fun of her about. This was a high-ranking captain, who was young and good-looking. He had the charisma that Josh had always been told he lacked. And this was the guy that Donna liked.

So he had told him the stories, stories that he secretly cherished, about Donna and all her quirks. He couldn't deny that those stories were told to scare the guy off. But somehow they didn't and somehow Donna ended up going away for Christmas with Jack Reese. 

Josh had always secretly liked Christmas, even if he didn't believe in the idea that it surrounded. But the lights and the festivity always drew a secret excitement out of him. Even if he could no longer listen to Christmas music. And the prospect of spending that time with Donna had been inviting. He had been excited about spending the night with her, even if it had been unintentional on his part to keep her there. So when Leo told him she had left, he had felt deflated and let down. But still he had not completely understood why.

After all, Donna was just his assistant. Okay, maybe not just an assistant. She was one of his closest friends. Someone that he had a connection with that extended beyond the bounds of explanation. But he still couldn't understand why he hated it when she dated other guys, why it pained him to think of her away for the weekend with Jack Reese.

And then there was the Inauguration. Josh had been secretly excited to hear that Jack was going to be leaving even though Donna was so upset. When he had heard what was said in the paper, he couldn't believe that it had been Donna, even after C.J. said she had admitted to it. So, when Danny showed him the whole article it didn't come as a shock. Just a relief to know the truth and to have a chance to go and get her.

She had looked amazing that night. When they had stood on the sidewalk that night Josh had felt something click in his brain. He was standing there talking to this woman that had grown so much from the day he met her. A woman that meant to world to him. A woman that he loved. 

Suddenly all the pieces fit together. It was as if he could see clearly for the first time. That night had been a blur. She had sat on his lap in the cab and they had danced for the short amount of time that they were actually at the Balls. And then he had taken her home and they ended the night the same as they had started it. Standing on the stoop in front of her apartment.

If Josh had thought she looked beautiful the night before, she was even more so at that moment. Her eyes had that look of sleep in them; her hair was falling into her eyes. And he remembered how much he wanted to kiss her. But she had just given him a hug and run up the steps to her apartment. 

After that he tried to distance himself. The precious few months had found them moving too close. He loved her. He knew that. But he couldn't do anything. He couldn't change what they had. He couldn't risk everything. He couldn't risk her not feeling the same way. And so he had pushed away. Back to Amy. Back to the way it had always been. They were friends. And they couldn't be anything more than that. 

He just had to continue watching her walk out of here every night on her way to meet some guy, not saying anything, not admitting anything…

"Josh."

He looked up, surprised at C.J. as she stood in his doorway.

"Yeah."

She looked at him strangely as she walked in and sat down. "You okay? I've been standing there for about a minute and you didn't notice."

"Oh, yeah, I was just… thinking. Did you need something?" Josh changed the subject quickly not wanting his thoughts to be a topic of discussion.

"Yeah, listen, I've been talking to Leo. We've been trying to find someone to fill the position of Human Resources Assistant. Nancy Perkins decided to quit out of the blue and now we're stuck in a jam."

Josh looked at her inquisitively, "What exactly is the Human Resources Assistant?"

"They work with Pat Johnson. The Human Resources Director."

"Which is?"

C.J. looked exasperatedly at Josh, "You really have no clue what goes on around here, do you?"

"Not a clue." Josh smiled.

"Human Resources works along with the Communications Department. Just focusing more on the human aspect of things. When something happens, like a plane crash or a building exploding, they're the one's that are there for the families. Offering assistance. Like a support system from the White House."

"Okay, so why are you talking to me about this.? You're not offering me the job are you? Because that would be a step down for me."

C.J. rolled her eyes, "Not you, you idiot. Donna."

Josh stared at her for a moment, suddenly feeling like he was about to lose control of something. Swallowing he quickly replied, "I don't think that's something she has time for after everything she already does."

C.J. looked at him with an odd look in her eyes. Her words suddenly became gentler. "Josh, we would be offering Donna a promotion. She wouldn't be your assistant anymore."

Josh nodded slowly. "C.J. I…"

She wouldn't let him finish. "Josh, I know that you depend on Donna a lot. But Leo and I both think that this job would be perfect for her. She's always done so much better than the rest of us at dealing with the human side of things. It would be good for her. She's worked so hard these past five years. No one is going to deny her achievements. I think it might be time to let go."

Her words sank in and Josh found himself clenching the armrest of his chair. This was his Donna they were talking about. And now they wanted to take her away from him. The one person he seemed to always be able the count on. She kept him organized and functioning. He didn't know how to do it without her.

But he nodded anyway, "Yeah, okay."

C.J. looked at him sympathetically, "Josh, it would be good for her."

"Yeah."

C.J. stood up and walked out of the room glancing behind her one last time at Josh who was staring at his messy desktop, still clenching the armrest, as if to keep him from jumping up to tell her he had changed his mind. 

Present 

Josh and Donna stood outside Leo's door, waiting as Margaret told him that they were there. Donna looked over at Josh, with a look of trepidation on her face.

"You think he'll yell?"

Josh sighed, "Leo? Yeah, probably."

Donna nodded, "I'm scared."

"It will be okay. I'm telling you, now that you're no longer my assistant; this will be a lot easier. It could be worse."

"Maybe it is worse."

Josh looked at Donna in puzzlement, "What…"

Margaret interrupted, "You can go in now." She looked at them in curiosity, but for once kept her mouth shut as they went in.

Leo was standing behind his desk, a stern look on his face. 

"Have a seat." 

To be continued…

Let me know what you think!


	4. Needing You To Need Me

He Hearts 

Author: Shannie328

Pairing: J/D

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Through Season 5, The Benign Prerogative

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Never will.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this. You guys make this even more fun!

Present 

" Have a seat."

Josh and Donna sat down, each of them watching Leo, trying to gage his reaction. He just continued to stand behind his desk, his arms folded, a stern look on his face.

The clock on Leo's desk ticked irritatingly. Tick-tock. The sound echoing in the quiet room. Finally Josh couldn't take it anymore. 

"Listen Leo…"

"Josh, I don't want you to say a single thing right now." 

Josh quickly shut up at the tone in Leo's voice.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Leo's words were directed at Donna who appeared to have lost the ability to speak.

"Ummm… well, I don't… uhhh."

"Oh, good god woman…"

Donna shut her mouth and Josh stood up. "Look, Leo this is my fault. It was my idea to keep this quiet. I know we should have…"

Leo sat down and put his elbows on his desk, his hands folded in front of his face. "Oh, Josh, don't think that I don't blame you. I'm just wondering how Donna got herself into this. She usually makes better decisions than this. She's usually the one to keep you in line. So, again I repeat myself, how did this happen?" This time his words were directed at both Josh and Donna.

Josh sat down and looked over at Donna, she looked back at him and they both wondered were to start.

February: Five months earlier 

"Start from the beginning."

"Are you kidding me?"

"The whole thing is crap. Start over from the beginning. Change the whole thing."

Josh and Will watched Toby walk away down the hall. Will looked down at the speech in his hand. 

"I've been working on this thing for two weeks. I asked for help on one little part. Is he serious about this?"

Josh shrugged, "It's Toby. I'm sure it's fine."

"Yeah right." Will walked down the hall in the opposite direction. Probably to re-write the entire speech.

Josh stood in the middle of the hallway, his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. After looking around for a minute he turned towards his own bullpen, meeting up with Donna halfway down the hall.

"I found the O'Brien numbers. Although I must say it wasn't easy. I had to look in about fifty places. You know Josh, I wonder if perhaps you have some type of long-term memory loss. And it wouldn't be surprising. Did you know that twenty five percent of Americans…"

Josh grabbed the paper out of Donna's hands. "Donna, I asked you to find me a piece of paper. Not to run down the mental state of myself or twenty five percent of Americans."

Donna smiled, "I'm just saying. You have to be careful. Half the time you can't even remember where your own car is."

"We'll that's why I keep you around."

The two smiled at each other and Donna headed off to her own desk, "You have senior staff at one. Lunch is on your desk. Eat the salad this time. I don't want to find some intern with it later on." 

Josh watched her from his doorway. He could feel his heart contract and the pain was something he was not ready to feel. Donna watched out for him. She walked down the hallway with him, half the time he would forget that she was there. They would just walk together, in complete sync. And now, that would all change…

Donna smiled to herself as she sat down at her desk to eat her own salad. She knew Josh was watching her. She could always tell when he was watching her. When she walked around the bullpen, when she walked out of his office. He had been doing it ever since the campaign and it always left her with a warm feeling that seemed to spread all the way to her toes. 

She turned around to look at his door. He was probably sitting at his desk, staring at his salad in disgust. No matter what she said, he would only eat of few bites of it, just to appease her and then walk down the hall to seem what kind of junk food Toby had stashed away. 

He probably didn't know that she knew. In fact he probably didn't know how well Donna knew him. How she could tell when he needed help, how she could tell that he was in trouble, or about to get in trouble. Once she had said that she was tuned to him, at the time she had been joking. But she often wondered how much that was true. 

She remembered on the night of the election, she had left the party and walked back to his office. Just to make sure he didn't need her. He had been there with Amy and listening to the two of them talking, the way Josh reacted when Amy took of her coat. It was enough to make a person sick. But she found herself standing there, until Josh had called her in. She hadn't been surprised that he had just expected her to be out there. That was the way the two of them worked. 

Ever since day one, she had just come to anticipate his needs. It wasn't in a "_hey you're my secretary, do everything I tell you to and when I tell you to_" way. She had just always felt this compulsive need to be there for him, to not be the person that left him. If there was only one person he could count on, she wanted it to be her.

Donna figured that her need to be Josh's support system had really started the night that his father had died. He had looked so happy only moments before, and it was her job to bring it all crashing down around him. Never, would she forget the look in his eyes when she said those words. _"Josh your father died_." In that moment he wasn't a political big shot around Washington. He was a little boy who had lost his father. A little boy who was feeling all the pain in the world at that every moment. And it was looking in his eyes at that moment that Donna knew she wanted to take care of him. 

It was like she had explained to Amy awhile back. Josh was afraid of people leaving. He had lost his sister and his father. He lived in constant fear that the minute he turned his back, someone he loved was going to die or leave. And Donna was determined not to be that person. 

But this was not an entirely unselfish desire on her part. Taking care of Josh was her selfish way of making sure that he was okay. She had realized this on the day that Josh had been shot, so many years ago, it sometimes seemed.

Sitting there at the hospital, watching his surgery, wondering if he was going to live or die she had come to a life changing, yet not so shattering conclusion. She, Donnatella Moss needed Joshua Lyman in her life. In the short amount of time that they had known each other, he had become a staple in her life. His sarcastic sense of humor, his smile, the way he ran his hands through his hair when he didn't know what to say; they were all things that she had come to rely on. But most important of all was that in the time that she had known him, he had managed to make her feel something that she had never felt before: Important.

And so after Josh had come out of the hospital, she had taken it upon herself to take care of him. She had to make sure that he was okay, and that nothing would happen to take him out of her life. Those first few weeks she had practically lived at his apartment and at night after he had fallen asleep, she would sit in the chair next to his bed and cry for the man that she had almost lost.

It was during those weeks that Donna had realized that she was in love with him. 

They had been sitting there one night in his room. Josh propped up in bed, Donna lying next to him. They were watching some old Alfred Hitchcock movie, Josh occasionally making a wise-ass remarks, Donna casually brushing them off with her own wealth of useless knowledge. And she looked over at him and realized that this was where she wanted to be for the rest of her life. Lying there next to Josh, laughing and talking. It was in that moment that she realized that she had always loved him and that she always would. It was the simpilist, purest thing that finally made it all click.

After that she tried her hardest to push Josh away. Push him towards Joey Lucas. Push him towards Amy. Because the closer they got, the harder she found it to stay away. She had gone out with Cliff to keep her mind off Josh. And that had just become a big mess. Then she had asked Josh to set her up with Jack Reese. And had secretly found it cute that Josh had told Jack all the stories about her. As embarrassing as those were.

And Jack a turned out to be a pretty nice guy. She had liked spending time with him. He was the kind of guy that she could imagine herself with. But then he had let her take the fall for something he did. And all she could think of was that Josh would have never let her take the blame. She found herself being relieved that Jack had been transferred.

She had known when she confessed to C.J. that Josh would figure out the quote from the article had not come from her. She had just not expected him to figure it out so fast. She had not expected to find him outside her apartment, throwing snowballs at the window. She had not expected him to look at her the way he did. Over and over she found herself thinking over his words. _"You look amazing."_ It was not so much what he said. But how he said it. As if he was realizing something. And part of her did not want to know what he was realizing. 

That night after they had gotten done working, when she and Josh were standing outside of her apartment, Donna decided once and for all that she and Josh could never be together. She was his assistant. He could not risk hurting his career over her. And she did not want to risk their friendship. So she had hugged him and said goodnight. Hoping beyond hope that she was doing the right thing. She would continue to be there for Josh, even if it meant watching him fall in love with someone else. Donna knew that they could never be together. There was just to much there…

"Hey Donna, can I see you for a minute in my office?"

Donna looked up to C.J. standing in front of her desk.

"Yeah. Is anything wrong?" Donna followed C.J. into her office and sat down in one of the guest chairs. "Did Josh do something?"

C.J. laughed. "No, actually this is about you."

Donna straightened in her chair, "Did I do something? Because whatever it is, I can fix it. Is this about that memo that I lost? Because I know the second version wasn't perfect. But I'm sure I can…"

C.J. held up her hand, "No, Donna you haven't done anything wrong. This is actually a good thing."

"Oh."

C.J. sat down, "Nancy Perkins quit."

"Yeah, the Assistant Human Resources Director."

"Right. Anyway, Leo and I have been trying to find a replacement. And you were the first person on the top of each of our lists."

Donna stared at C.J. for a moment, expressionless. Then she smiled, "Are you serious? Me? I'm mean I don't even… I've never… Really?"

"Yeah, Donna we've all noticed everything you've done these past years. You've solved a lot of problems that we haven't been able to. You have this connection with people. Josh has always said that he's glad you've always been able to hold onto that emotional part of it. And now you can really use it."

A huge grin spread over Donna's face and then stopped. She stilled for a moment and then shook her head. "Josh…" She looked up at C.J. "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't… Josh, he needs me."

"We've already talked to Josh. He's okay with this. He thinks it will be good for you."

Donna looked up, a strange expression on her face. "You talked to… He said…" She bit her lip and looked to the side, then stood up. "I'm sorry C.J. I really appreciate the offer. But I can't." With that, she walked out of the office."

Later that Night 

Josh walked up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with two cups of coffee in his hands. Donna was sitting at the top with her arms on her knees, her head resting in her hands.

"I brought you coffee."

Donna looked up without saying anything and took the warm drink. She didn't take a drink though, just warmed her hands with it and stared out into the distance.

Josh sat down next to her and took a sip of his own.

"Am I in trouble?"

Josh looked at her strangely, "Why would you be in trouble?"

Donna shrugged, "I don't know, we only bring each other coffee when one of us is in trouble. I just thought…"

"You're not in trouble."

They sat there for a minute longer, not saying anything.

" I talked to C.J." Josh looked over and not getting a response he continued on, "Donna, you have to take that job." He found the words harder to get out than he had practiced.

Donna looked away from him, "Josh, I don't want to talk about it."

"Donna, listen. This would be a great experience. You know that. I'll be fine, if that's what you're worried about. I don't need you." As he said it Josh realized that it was probably the wrong thing.

Donna looked over at him with more hurt in her eyes than he expected. She nodded slowly, "So, you don't need me at all?" Her voice sounded small.

"Donna, that came out wrong. I need you. I need you more than you might know." His voice trailed off at the end. "I just think that it's time for you to do something for yourself."

 "Has it ever occurred to you that by working for you I am doing something for myself? It's my way of…" She stopped suddenly, knowing that she was headed into dangerous territory.

"Your way of what?"

Donna looked Josh straight in the eyes before answering, "Of making sure you're okay."

"Donna, I'm not some doll that's going to break. I'm fine, okay? You don't have to watch out for me."

Donna bit her lip, "If I'm not there and something happens…"

"Nothing's going to happen! What would happen…?" Josh trailed off as he suddenly realized what she was talking about. His voice became gentler and he placed his hand on her knee. "Donna…"

"Josh I wasn't there. You were shot and I wasn't there." She tried to wipe away the tears that were slipping down her face.

"And I thank God for that every day."

Josh's words flowed over her and she was suddenly aware of where his hand was. They looked at each other and he smiled, his dimples deepening.

"We've never really talked about this before, have we?"

Josh shook his head, "I guess we've always danced around it. You don't have to though. I'm not going to break."

"I hurts me too Josh."

"I know."

Donna sighed and looked out into the fading sunset. "I can't leave you Josh."

"Yes you can. I think you have to." Josh watched her reaction and he took a deep breath. "And you know what? I think we might find that we still have a relationship beyond boss and assistant."

"Yeah?"

Josh nodded, "Yeah. I told you I needed you. And I didn't just mean as an assistant."

Donna smiled to herself. They were crossing a line here. A line that both of them had drawn a long time ago. And suddenly she didn't care. "Okay."

Josh grinned, "Good." He stood up and offered his hand to Donna, " Then we better go tell C.J."

She took his hand and they walked down the stairs together, Donna holding onto Josh's arm.

"Hey, Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I am going to miss you."

"You better."

Present 

Leo watched as Donna and Josh tried to get the story out, talking over each other, disagreeing over events. 

"Oh, stop it, both of you. I get the picture." He stood up.

The two in front of him stopped and looked at him expecting the worse. Josh reached over and grabbed Donna's hand, suddenly realizing that there was no longer a reason to hide it.

Leo saw this and let out a breath, "Okay, I don't have time for this anymore. I've got to meet with the president. I want you two to go to C.J.'s office."

"C.J. knows?" Josh cringed inwardly. The one person that scared him more than Leo was C.J.

"Yes she knows. Unlike other people I know, I went to her first. And I better warn you. She hasn't had any sleep. And she's pissed. Good luck."

Josh and Donna exited the office, each murmuring their thanks. Leo remained behind his desk after they left. After a moment he smiled.

"It's about damn time."

To Be Continued…


End file.
